Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
