I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
