what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
