btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
