I'm gonna have a badass scar
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
