i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
