i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
