Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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