How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she told me i tasted like america
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize