I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
