So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
