dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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