found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
