Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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