do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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