final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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