Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
