somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize