i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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