bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
