Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize