We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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