from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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