seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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