Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
