id be glad to
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize