this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
