Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
