thus making me awesome and them whores
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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