Your face is a jimmy john
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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