Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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