My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I AM VODKA MAN
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
