she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
