Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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