Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize