Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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