so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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