Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
