Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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