that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
