So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
