I cut my penus on the lid.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just pee around me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
