i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
