so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
