so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
