we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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