What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
