Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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