I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
