and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
