Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
