i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
