are you still at the devil's house?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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