I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
