I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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