Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
