How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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