did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
