he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He passed out mid-signature
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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