I am puke
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
