I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
