I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
