when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
