im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
