i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
handjob tips. give me some.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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