...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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