you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
