Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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