Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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