I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
