I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize