the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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