i think my tv is drunk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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