he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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