I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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