i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
