If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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