I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
