Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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