Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
