Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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